Slide 1

The Stolen Dreams of Africa

The Diary of an Evolved Feminist

15 minute read ● by Mbong A. FT.

It is my firm conviction that the feminist movement is among the most successful movements humanity has seen. We have evolved from a time in history when a woman’s brain was considered to be as tiny as a mustard seed. From a time when a woman’s existence was seen purely from the needs of a man – in fact she was believed to have been created solely to satisfy the pleasures of a man. To an era where women are shaping and reshaping all spheres of society. Feminism has brought us a long way.

Yet for a long time, we have been schooled to accept that feminism is about the equality of sexes, and many have taken this equality so seriously and literally that they have lost sight of the end goal. The fact is feminism was never so much about equality as it was about justice, freedom and happiness. And indeed equality was a critical means to an end but absolutely not the end in itself. 

Feminism has always been about collective empowerment and the dismantling of all structural conditions that marginalize women. This by all means, is at its core a noble cause and a noble fight which we must all stay committed to.  But when we are fully empowered and are committed to the empowerment of others, the end goal should be to use our empowerment to live our most fulfilled and happiest life and to foster harmony in our world. Ultimately, every woman should be in a position to make the most informed choices for their happiness, to do more, be more, achieve more  and live their most fulfilled life. This without a doubt is what feminism has always been about. Every fight – legal, political, social, economic was always to arrive at a place when women – individually and collectively – could live their most fulfilled life without any structural, legal, cultural, political  impediments.

In over a century since the first feminist voices started to challenge deeply held worldview about women, we have seen several shades and waves of the feminist movement. A movement which has changed the world for the better. And despite the differences in philosophy and ideology or approach, one common denominator of the movement has been the necessity to empower women. The how could be circumstantial but the why was never up for debate. It is about giving women power to make the most informed choices for their happiness.

Throughout history it has become clear that every single one of the waves was a loud cry by women for happiness. Feminism  was never so much about equality as it was about happiness, and the ultimate right of every woman to the pursuit of happiness on her own terms. Noting that the pursuit of happiness is a fundamental human right highlighted in the American declaration of independence. It has always been about happiness and there’s volume of evidence which speaks to that. To demonstrate the correlation between feminism and happiness we need to start from the very beginning and move our way up to where we are today.

But what is happiness? Psychologists, theologists, motivational speakers and many more, seem to agree that happiness is not a destination but a way of travel. There also seems to be consensus on the notion that happiness is not having what you want but wanting what you have. 

A more apt inference for this write-up as to the meaning of happiness might be from the notion of content. Content with the choices we make, this has been hailed as one of the surest paths to happiness. So, without a choice borne content, there’s very little guarantee of true and meaningful happiness.

There’s also much literature to justify the fact that happiness comes from within but is solidified by actions taken out of ourselves. We have long confused pleasure with joy and gratification with happiness that we sometimes feel happiness comes from doing things for ourselves. But indeed, many agree that true happiness comes from good deeds and acts of selflessness. True happiness comes from things we ain’t able to put a price tag on, from love, kindness, justice, freedom, selflessness.

So, what is the nexus between feminism and happiness?

I guess the first wave will be a fair starting point. The context within which the first wave feminism arose was plagued by injustice. There was a lot more in suffrage (right to franchise) than the right to vote, it was a reclamation of a woman’s wholeness, her fullness as a being to observe, decide  and choose. It was ultimately a  demonstration that women were able to make informed choices for their happiness and a demand for the system to open up the space for that without any reservation. This wave was about political equality, it was about happiness.

Without attempting to drag you far back to the days of the early feminist, it is worth acknowledging that the time had come for women to make a strong statement that women were more than sex toys or tools for a man’s gratification. This was an important step for a woman’s happiness. I can only imagine the pain of all the women who like me, loved to write but whose stories never got told, whose brilliance never saw the light of day. There could have been no true happiness in the life of that woman. So, yes, equality was important, but truth is, with or without men in the mix, a woman who had a passion for writing felt canned, boxed, deprived of life itself. It is in such instances that the freedom to be and do whatever you want to be or do, speaks to why feminism was always about happiness.

Then came the second wave with its demand for legal equality. A wave which also saw the dismantling of structures which reduced a woman’s body to a sexual object. While sexual and reproductive rights took centre stage, the booing of the Miss America pageant and the trashing of lipsticks, high heels and objects perceived to objectify women was an important step to women demanding a space where they could be happy in the choices they make without being perceived from a male worldview of what a perfect woman looked like or reduced to a man’s interpretation of what a woman should be. And while this was unlifting for many women, who like me prefer to go with flats, with no makeup, and who found happiness and fulfilment in things beyond their looks, it left a few unhappy, and third wave feminism confirmed that. Someone’s happiness stepped deep into another’s.

Could it be that the second wavers ignored the needs of women who truly enjoy or find happiness in girlish things so brutally that the backlash almost compromised the gains of the second wave? Can we truly argue that some women find all the happiness they desire in this life in traditional gender roles?

Third wave feminism had some news for us, it confirmed that not all women considered the items that had been trashed in the second waves as objects of oppression. Infact, those same objects were used to argue for the woman’s power and her freedom to be and look the way she desires. Third wave feminism and its focus on social equality hasn’t always been easy to unpack. And rightfully so, it is easier to deal with legal, political institutions than it is with perceptions.

Along the way, we saw women demanding their rights for equal work and equal pay. Did it make sense that Oprah woke up just as early as her co-host and got paid just a meager portion of his earnings. Who can truly be happy in the face of such injustice. Was it so much about equality or about justice? Can there be any true happiness in the face of injustice?

The complexilty and sometimes incompatibility of the different waves of feminism or the different feminist schools of thought – radical, marxist, socialist, moderate – tells us one thing. We cannot be uniform in our pursuit of happiness,  there’s not a single approach that we all agree to.

Perhaps we are way too different as women to be perfectly unified at any given time by a single feminist approach.. Even equality as an umbrella term has alienated many women in the course of the movement.

Maybe it is about time we fully agree that feminism is about justice, freedom, choice and happiness.

At the macro level, the political, legal and social equality for which many have fought must never again be up for debate, in fact we must all commit to upholding it. But at the micro level, it is up to every woman to use the gains of the movement in whatever way that works for them. Even though social equality is still murky for the most part and challenging to measure, we must never lose sight of the fact that feminism as a movement has made it possible for women to be all they ever wanted to be, and indeed feminism is really about happiness and harmony.

For an all unifying wave to emerge which truly absorbs all women regardless of shade, race, culture, ideology, philosophy, religion, we have no choice but to agree that feminism is about women being fully empowered to make the most informed choices for their happiness and for harmony, in however way they seek it.

For that unifying wave to emerge, we would have to  agree on some fundamental principles

– As women, we would continue to fight collectively to dismantle all structures that oppress, abuse or  harm  women and/ or deprive them of their right to make informed choices for their happiness

– As women we would collectively work towards the empowerment of women, so that every woman is in a position to make the most informed decisions for their unique happiness and for harmony in their world

– As women we would uphold, celebrate and support women in the informed choices they make for their happiness with the acknowledgement that some informed choices would not conform to our grandmother’s notion of feminism

– As women, we would collectively commit to avoid language which bruises and divides – double standards, Evolved Feminist  – this must be borne from an acknowledgement that we truly desire different things

– We would have to agree that the pursuit of happiness is one of our most fundamental rights as human beings, not even feminism should deprive any woman from that pursuit in whatever way this is true for her.

– We would have to agree that feminism seeks to liberate and we cannot allow the movement that set out to liberate women to become an oppressor.

So, feminism at its core is a liberation movement, a movement devoted to women’s empowerment, so that a woman can be and can do whatever she wants for herself. We must never let it go to waste. We have an obligation to use the freedom that this movement has given us wisely, we must use it to be the best we can be, to sow love, happiness and to foster happiness and harmony in the world. 

It is from this standpoint that the focus of modern day feminism has to be to empower and allow every woman irrespective of her race, class or socio-economic level of society to determine what fulfillment looks like for herself and to pursue it. As my wise sister Caroline Mbi-Njifor aptly concurs, “there’s no denying that every woman has their own unique standards depending on their culture, belief, race etc. And therefore every woman must be allowed the dignity, without bigotry, rhetoric, stigma or brainwashing to make her own informed choices based on her beliefs, preferences and culture. This is respect and dignity, and this has got to be the essence of modern day feminism”.

I encourage women to embrace feminism on their own terms and to seek happiness in whatever way that is true for them. I firmly believe that feminism in this day and age should focus on empowering women, providing them with all that which is required, so that they are able to make the most informed choices for their happiness and to use that energy to sow happiness and harmony in the world. Read the Memorandum of a Failed Feminist and The Pledge of an Evolved Feminist for more insight on my take on feminism.

Feminism isn’t the villain, feminism is a gift, we must use the successes of the feminist movement to be more, live more, do more. And if our practice of feminism becomes a source of contempt, we might need to pause and take a deep introspection.Feminism is an amazing gift, being obnoxious, antagonistic and perpetually unpleasant is a waste of a gift which is meant to enable you to live your most fulfilled life.

So the question is – how are you using the gains of the feminist movement, to live your most fulfiled life, to sow harmony in your world and to be happy?